Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Too Serious

There hasn't been much that could be called "amusing" in "a musings" lately. I just re-read my entries and it's no wonder nobody reads this stuff. I'm positively morbid lately. Sheeeesh!

So here's my attempt to lighten up.

What can you find on most middle-class North American Christians and also on their Bibles? - (Love) Handles.

What's the single most popular Christian bumper sticker?
The one that best covers the scratch on the bumper.

If a "Pastor's Office" is the position of authority and responsibility he or she is the steward of within the church body then what's a "Pastor's Study" for?
About 20 hours a week if their sermons are going to be worth listening to.

What's the best way to frustrate a fundamentalist Christian?
Tell him or her that you don't agree with them, but stubbornly refuse to argue about it.

If obesity is becoming a world-wide problem then what will it mean when we sing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hand"?
God may soon be suffering from carpel-tunnel syndrome.

When I was a kid I thought the benches in church were called "pews" because of the way they smelled.

My dad used to say, "Point weak? Pound pulpit harder!" I used to think that was how they came up with the term "Bible thumper".

In grade 8 everyone in my class agreed that if our math teacher asked "How do you find the hypotenuse?" on our geometry mid-term we would all answer "Look for tracks around the watering hole." He did. We did. He didn't think it was funny. We thought it was hilarious.

The first time I was in a Catholic Church I thought the folding kneeling rails were padded footrests, but that they weren't very comfortably placed.

Hey I said it was an attempt! It was not qualified by any adjectives.

On Sunday the Pastor bragged that he could write his sermons in the time it took him to walk from the parsonage to the church. Believing that quantity might lead to quality the Church Board sold the parsonage, which was next door to the church, and bought a new home for the pastor on the other side of town.

Excuse me now, I need to go for a long walk.

Shalom.