Triangulation

So someone said something you didn't like. You were surprised and offended. You overlooked the fact that this person never speaks out, but did this one time because of the passion they had for the subject. This person was trying to help. They took a risk to raise an issue that mattered to them. They thought they were doing it in a safe place.

What did you do with your offense? You say you are part of a body. You say you believe you have a special relationship with the person who spoke. You say you love Jesus and will obey Him. What do you do?

Do you go to the person to tell them your reaction to what they said? Do you even look at your reaction to try to understand it and discern if it was appropriate? Do you act in a loving manner?

No.

You go to another person and pour out your offense about the speaker. This person you go to is outside the community of faith - outside the family. Why would you even do that? The one you complain to has no compulsion to act as Christ would desire they - or you - should. The one you complain to has not been convicted by love as you claim to have been. You complain, like an angry child. You attack and demean a person who isn't even present to defend themselves. You break the Lord's commands. And you lie about loving Jesus. In this matter, that is your witness regarding the God you claim to love, obey and follow.

The person you complain to talks to the one who initially spoke and offended you (remember, they weren't trying to offend you - they were trying, however poorly, to do a good thing). The one you complained to tells the original speaker about your offense towards them. They drop your anger and personal pain on this person and there is no offer of reconciliation - no opportunity to deal with the issue. There is just offense, hurt, bad feelings and broken relationship. You weren't even there to take responsibility for what you said.

And I find out about the wreckage you created. I don't know who you are. And I am heartbroken, frustrated and sad for the one who spoke, for you, for the poor person who fell into the triangulation you created that caused them to sin, too.

And I'm not the only one who knows about this. I'm not the only one upset by this. I'm not the only one who is praying that you come under conviction, repent and seek forgiveness and reconciliation.

I do not prefer addressing this issue in this manner, but I am also no longer able to stand by and let issues like this slide by. I can't deal with you because I don't know who you are but what you did wasn't that unique. I can't address you directly, but there are others who might read this. There are others who might get the point of what I'm saying. there might be others who might take this lesson and carry it with them in their lives and relationships. So I can still employ the example of your sin to teach others. For that opportunity, I am grateful to God.

Scripture is clear - if anyone offends you, sins against you, sins in general or needs help you are to go to them and express your concern. You don't go to someone else. You don't complain behind their back. You don't triangulate. Not if you really love Jesus. Not if you really think He is real.

If triangulating was God's way he would have sent an intermediary to deal with us and our sin. Likely it would have been an avenging angel. Instead He came to us directly. Face to face. Heart to heart. Jesus came to us and named our sin to our faces. He told us directly of His disappointment. and He offered reconciliation because He was present to do so.

This situation can still be redeemed. You can still go and ask forgiveness, seek reconciliation, repair the relationship. But you have to go first.

If you want help doing this I'm available. I am here to walk alongside you. I'm not the only one who would. In the meantime I'll be praying for you. I can do that even if I don't know who you are. I can pray for you because I am compelled by my love for Jesus to love you and seek the best for you - and for the one you hurt. I don't know who you are but Jesus does. This will be dealt with. Jesus promised that. It's up to you whether you are a willing participant or not.

Shalom