Waiting For ....

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon

Winter doesn't want to loosen its grasp on Flatland. It seems to have dug in deeper even as the Sun has tried to climb higher in the sky. I feel I am watching an epic struggle between an unmovable object and an irresistible force. And even though I know how the story will end, it truly seems as though the outcome is presently in doubt. Like watching "Apollo 13" I am fascinated, stuck on the edge of my seat, unable to look away.

I sometimes wonder if I am the only one who sometimes sees his life circumstances reflected in the world around him. This seems so self-indulgent and self-delusional, but these past several weeks have left me with a distinct sense that there are also immense powers and principalities battling for supremacy in my life and their straining potentialities are beginning to shape my circumstances.

As a 'Christian' you might properly mock me for not being more sanguine about my seeming lack of control - and you would be right, too. I did voluntarily submit my life to my Lord and Savior and thus I have no cause to object to the circumstances I find myself in. "Not my will, but Yours, Lord." Much easier said than done.

The natural desire to defend, deflect and to even launch a preemptive attack is strong, and I am no better at resisting temptations than anyone else I know, and in most cases far less able. And yet I wake each day and put one foot in front of the other. The tsunami may overtake me soon, but I have obligations, responsibilities and even simple mundane tasks to fill my moments while I watch for darkening clouds on the horizon.

My faith seems to be sustaining me, and my ministry - such as it is - is comforting as it is frustrating. People are such....PEOPLE! Lost, angry, frightened, unreliable, dangerous, confused and reckless - they bump into my life with heart-wrenching abandon - often doing what I'm doing. Putting one foot in front of the other while quiet desperation hangs on us all like a shroud.

I'd like to be specific, but I can't. Let me just say this - I was warned that there would be days like this. But no amount of preparation can fully steel one against the onslaught that is the pain of people's lives and the destruction they leak out on others because of it. And then in the middle of this there is a moment of truth, a breath of compassion, a twinkle of joy, a mote of hope caught in the light. And it is enough for the next few steps.

Spring. Promise. Hope. Change. The chance of a well-hit tee shot flying clean and true. The powers that be may rage on unabated, but I will stoop to brush the snow away from another new flower bravely pushing through the cold earth towards the sunshine. It will be enough. Even if the Summer never comes.

Shalom