New Music

So I caved in and ordered HiFi on my Telus Optic TV subscription.  They gave it to us for free over Christmas and sure enough I was hooked like a weekend cocaine addict.  Marketers and Drug Dealers - soulless devils!

I basically subscribed so I can watch "Later...With Jools Holland".  Weekly he hosts an eclectic (truly worthy example of how that word should be used) line up of musical acts.

A couple of weeks ago the band whose CD art graces this blog were on.  So was Bryan Ferry - seminal leader of the '80's art rock mega-band Roxy Music.  I'm a big fan of Ferry and Roxy so imagine my dismayed delight when Two Door Cinema Club wiped the studio floor with them!

TDCC is a thoroughly up to date quartet who embody '80's pop sensibilities with 21st century skill and technical prowess.  Think Devo meets Metric and you might be getting warm.  The tunes are tight, precise, frenetic, crafted, ironic, jaw dropping in execution and fun!  It's a combination at once familiar and wholly unlike anything I've ever heard - and I've heard a lot!

So get your Google on and check them out.  Summer is awkwardly shambling towards us and we all need some tunes to bop the winter blues away.  TDCC could be your ticket to a summer double-feature fun-fest.

Shalom

How Do You Feel?

Recently I have become increasingly aware of health care and its associated costs through the illnesses of people I am connected to through the internet and personally. Michael Spencer, my fav Christian blogger - who is a real Christian goshdarnit - has been struck with cancer and has lost his income and health care coverage and is in real jeopardy, financially as well as physically. Kaja Foglio of "Girl Genius" had knee surgery and as a self-employed artist/entrepreneur she and her husband Phil have had to face these issues. In a circumstantial quirk that beggars description the Foglio's colorist, Cheyenne Wright, was struck with a viral infection that affected his heart. Cheyenne is even further out on the seemingly non-existent health care limb than Spencer and the Foglios as he is a free-lance artist.

Their friend and fellow web cartoonist/entrepreneur/writer and neo-Renaissance guy Aaron Williams, creator of "Nodwick", "PS 238", "Full Frontal Nerdity" and the recently and sadly demised "Backward Compatible" comic strips as well as the highly excellent, more traditionally delivered "North 40", linked to an archived American NPR broadcast of "This American Life" from October of 2009 on the subject of health care and its attendant costs. If you want the rest of this post to make any sense you must listen to this program next. Thanks to the "majick of the internets", the rest of my scribblings will patiently await your return. Hoy, Technology!

As a Canadian, and "lucky" recipient of nationalized public health care, it may seem that I don't have a dog in this fight, but I've been spending a lot more time in hospitals and being concerned about health care lately. After my mother-in-law destroyed her right shoulder in a frightening tumble down her basement stairs in October of 2009 - yet another coincidence beggaring description when juxtaposed with the date of the NPR broadcast - and that in the middle of dealing with her husband's rapidly deteriorating condition due to Alzheimer's, we were forced to pay much closer attention to such things - at least north of the 49th parallel. More recently, due to experiencing my wife suffering with an undiagnosable ailment, I have realized that many of the pressures, mechanisms and infernal internal workings of health care delivery as outlined in the "This American Life" documentary are also part of "This Canadian Life". I live in the "True North, (not so) Strong and Free (for sure not free as in 'free lunch')".

Many of the situations described in the broadcast had an all too familiar feel to them, particularly how my wife and I evaluate medical decisions based on how information is shared with us by doctors, nurses, therapists, politicians, medical insurance providers and drug companies through advertising and the ubiquitous media. These multiple streams of information have created and sustained many of the same false beliefs and unproductive ideals we see demonstrated in the US health system. The real reality check being that neither a public nor private system - nor any hybrid of the two - will solve the basic issue of a demanding public that wants what it wants - now - costs be damned.

Solutions will hopefully come from more education and understanding of the forces driving health costs worldwide, and hopefully a sober re-evaluation of our expectations of the system alongside a maturing acceptance of our mortality. OK that last part is really unlikely, but it would help us gain a better perspective. But we cannot maintain "business as usual" in America or Canada for much longer, if at all. In the meantime, folks like Michael Spencer, Cheyenne Wright, the Foglios and many, many more will be at the mercy of the system and upheld only by the mercy of the community that supports them. That's the gracious, loving adaptation that has been made as a response to the inequities and shortcomings of the health system. People who care and are caring have stepped up to help these folks - meeting needs we expect government, industry and community to address, but have spectacularly failed to do. And we all shudder at how expensive mercy has become - and that it has become a commodity at all. As a leader of a faith community, all of this impacts deeply on my work and calling in ways I am struggling to understand and deal with.

If you visit some of the links above you'll find PayPal links for some of these folks. If you're feeling OK you might send them a few bucks to tide them over. After that, you might want to get control of your own health care understanding, process and start engaging with the system in your local area. Do some work while you're up to it - while you feel healthy. It's a lot easier than having to deal with it from flat on your back in a hospital bed. But more than anything it seems we all need a network of people who care for us and will care for us when we and the system can't (or won't). No amount of money will ever purchase care that is as good as what is given freely in love. That is why I am so involved in the community God is creating through Jesus. Real hope and security lies there.

Find His community - it's the best medicine.

Shalom

Uncertainty in Uncertain Times

This post at Internetmonk.com caused me to comment - something I don't often do.

A lot of people think I "have it all together" because I'm a pastor. The truth is that my journey has raised more questions than answers. So why do I persevere? Because of the one thing I am not uncertain about - God's love for us all through Jesus Christ. I guess that's faith. It may not seem intellectual, but it is where I am - questions, doubts, insecurities and uncertainties notwithstanding. That is what He has done for me. And it's enough.

"It's the end of the world as we know it,

And I feel fine."

Lyrics from "It's the End of the World" by R.E.M.

Hitting The Wall - Good Thing, Good Thing!

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10.

So I read this article at LeadershipJournal.net and after my eyes were able to refocus from the blinding light that went off (as Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus" played at '11' in my head) I wrote this post.

We want it to be 'finished'. We want it to be 'done'. We want to 'arrive'. I'm speaking about sanctification. But if we were ever able to claim total victory wouldn't we also claim we had outgrown Christ? I have victory because Jesus provides to to me by His grace and because of His sacrifice. I am saved every day by what He did, not by what I do. Should I resist temptation, sin and the Devil? Yes!! Am I lost because I fail and fall? No!!

Obedient dependence. It's a good thing, and it comes from hitting the wall (my wall) and learning in humility that the only way for me to go forward is by His grace and mercy.

Shalom.

On the Road to Forgiveness

Prime Minister Stephen Harper has set Canada on the road to finding forgiveness between First Nations People and the culture (our culture) that has dominated and damaged them for so long. The range of reaction to his apology on our behalf read in the House of Commons yesterday was to be expected. Thankfully, even the most negative reactions I have heard so far have at least acknowledged the open honesty of Harpers words, even if some could not bring themselves to accept them, yet.

It is now that the Gospel has a real chance to influence the path our country will take in the coming months and years. Colossians 3:13 says in part, "Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

We have an example, a model, a benchmark to reach for in our pursuit of forgiveness and reconciliation. We need to pray for and work for nothing less.

If we do follow Christ's example our destination will be true Shalom.

The Process

The though from the Word on my mind. 2 Timothy 2:15.

The frying pan/fire thing is just a joke really. I procrastinated. I waffled. I was distracted. But finally I finished my ordination paper, showed it to our association Credentials Committee and our church leaders, got feedback, made changes, met with the Committee, made it through the meeting (with more input and tweaks suggested) and I have been recommended to face an actual ordination council.

This part of the examination process was easier, even more helpful and encouraging than I had hoped for. I made the process harder on myself than I had to it seems. But I was, and still am, taking it very seriously. And I discovered that I am the frying pan. I'm being seasoned to remain in the fire and not burn everything that I touch. That's the process happening here.

God is graciously making me a little bit more useful in His Kingdom.

Wheeeee............

I can really get stuff going sometimes. I don't mean to, but it is always an irresistible urge in me to ramp up any irony I find in a situation - even more so it seems if I have a personal stake in it. The reason I'm saying all of this is because a discussion has been going on over at "At The Master's Feet", a blog I contribute to.

I'm working towards my ordination and something popped up at our recent Association meetings in this regard. It has spilled out into emails and our blog and I may have made things worse. You can read and decide for yourselves.

The point I want to make here is this: I'm a Christian and a pastor - and I sometimes have no idea whether or not I'm actually helping when I say stuff or ask questions or make observations. I love and respect everyone who is posting on "At The Master's Feet". They are my brothers and I would never want to disrespect or hurt them. But even so, it seems I may have contributed to the creation of a potentially out of control spiral.

It's a good lesson for me, and I want to share it with you. Most folks think "Christians" are folks who believe they have all the answers, are always right and are never confused. "Monkey Feathers!" Says I!!

We struggle with our understandings, our issues and our doubts as much as anyone else does. What keeps me staying the course is that I really believe that Jesus wins! I really believe that grace and mercy and love and forgiveness wins. I am confident that even though I may be confused and uncertain sometimes, if I fight for the loving, gracious, positive choice then I will have glorified God and it will work out.

You can go to dozens and dozens of websites on the internet and read the writings of the confident and assured Christians who have an answer for everything. I love being involved with the wonderful guys on "At The Master's Feet" because they are willing to 'get into it'. And maybe that means that we will occasionally ride an out of control spiral to somewhere. But Christ is everywhere so.....

WHEEEEEEEE..........

Of Crumbled Cookies and Bouncing Balls

I've been awash in stories of disappointment and discouragement of late. That's not what's kept me from blogging either; my own distracted nature managed that without much help from Brother Circumstance (a wonderful Corsican monk who makes excellent wine but suffers from habitually poor timing in all things social).

Too many people I know are either in the midst of the worst plague of seasonal affective disorder I have ever witnessed or else Mr. "Murphy" has gotten behind in his deliveries and is attempting to clean out the warehouse before inventory is to be done. And it seems all that happens in response is that some shoulders get shrugged, some tongues get clucked, some eyeballs get rolled and some countenances get set in steely poses as we all attempt push forward against the dour tide of misfortune and dismay. It's enough to drive a tee-totaling Baptist pastor to spike his coffee, it is!

Whither joy?

Whither glee?

Whither cheer and good humor?

Whither a decent hour of television - a pox on this 'writer's strike' I say!

Then a friend reminded me, in an officious, yet loving way - only a TRUE friend can do that - that it is our responsibility to choose the positive reaction. It is our responsibility to question and defy the stingy spirit within. It is our responsibility to change our perspective. The Psalmist questions his own motives and mood when he asks, "Why are you so downhearted, O my soul?"

Truth is I COULD whine and complain and go on and on about what's happened to me, to my family, to my friends and to my acquaintances as of late, but "it won't make it no better" as Tonio K would say. And despite the fact that I'm truly only about one more bad bounce away from writing a Grammy Award-winning country music song, I refuse to get swept up in this!

I'm going to put on Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down" and disturb the neighbors while I quaff a beverage and thank the Good Lord that even when my cookies crumble wrong and my ball bounces down the sewer I'm still here and I'm still breathing!

'Nuff said!

Shalom.

All I Have To Do Is Dream....

I know I already used this title from the classic Everly Brothers song elsewhere on this page, but I like to think Don and Phil are eminently gracious and generous guys - born as they were in another era - and they (hopefully) don't mind. Anyhoo - this reference isn't about me dreaming about ground piloting a Lingenfelter Performance Engineering massaged Corvette at near obscene speeds across a day long Texas road - top down, tunes up, grin wide. *sigh - drool*

Nope, I'm riffing on the fact that for nearly 5 years - maybe longer - I have not been dreaming. This has been due to the fact that I have been suffering from severe obstructive sleep apnea. Yep, according to the results of my polysomngraphy test - taken just over 2 weeks ago at the Regina General Hospital Sleep Disorders Laboratory - my brain was trying to wake me up 130 times an hour so I could breathe!

Sheesh!

I know I can be persistent and annoying, but I had hoped that less-than-charming facet of my personality would be damped down a bit while I am unconscious (or semi-unconscious). But, hey! Wherever you go - there you are! The practical upshot of my brain seeking oxygen with such vigor was that I couldn't experience all the levels of sleep - REM sleep being one notable level I haven't visited in a looonnngggg time!

I hadn't dreamed in so long I wasn't even getting reminders anymore - like that guy in the TV ad about sleep disorders. My dreams weren't hanging out in my kitchen or office complaining that I never spent time with them anymore. Evidently they had simply left me a note saying;

"Dear Brian,
Well we're pretty much totally frustrated here so we decided to move to a retirement community in south Florida. If you decide to look us up our phone number is 786-32X-XXX5*. Call sometime, schmuck!

Pleasant dreams.

NOT!"

You know you're in trouble when your dreams abandon you!

Well I got my CPAP unit a week ago Tuesday and I'm back to dreaming, sleeping, waking up not feeling dead and getting through the whole day without falling asleep in the afternoon. I use a Mirage Swift pillow-style mask. It's fairly unobtrusive, but we're getting used to it. I say "we" because for the last couple of years my snoring and stopping breathing was not just interrupting my sleep but my wife's sleep too. We actually have slept in separate rooms for almost one year.

The first night we were so unused to being together we thought the bed had shrunk - 'cause we sure couldn't admit we might have gotten bigger, eh?!? And we actually spent 3 days shopping for and considering moving up to a king from a queen-sized mattress. But a week has gone by now and things are settling down. We seem to have re-accommodated each other and we are happy to be "together" again. The last year was one of those challenges in marriage they don't warn you about.

While I'm on a personal health note here I've also found something to help me with my tinnitus. Actually, I haven't gotten a proper diagnosis of that, despite seeing an ear specialist over a year ago. The whole experience with him was quite disappointing.

*Digressive Commentary - If I had a reasonable amount of compensation for every time we have used the term "quite disappointing" in reference to health care since we have moved to Flatland I suspect we'd be nearly debt free. Whatever you think is wrong with your local health care system just amp it up a few orders of magnitude and you'll get the picture of what it's like on a daily basis here. I call it "Your tax dollars in inaction." - End Digression.*

He told me I had chronic listening fatigue and that I also had some considerable loss in mid and high frequencies in my left ear - something I already knew. My prescription? Wear earplugs while driving! For that this guy gets a six figure income! Sheesh!

Thus I was left to self-diagnose. I may not have full-blown tinnitus but I have enough symptoms to suggest a mild case or possible Meniere's Disease. The reality for me was that the hissing, rushing sound in my ears was getting so loud I was having trouble hearing, especially voices in ambiently noisy conditions. This was getting really traumatic for me because I am a HUGE music lover and the thought of losing the ability to rest in the arms of my musical muse was chilling to say the least.

I once got into a heated debate with my mother-in-law about whether it would be worse to be blind or deaf. I'd take blindness if I had to choose. I might not be able to see, but I could still hear the voices of the ones I love, experience the music that moves and motivates me and communicate with others relatively easily. In fact, it would probably make me a better listener - something I have been told many times I need to work on, and I do.

So one night I'm watching Jeopardy - God love Alex Trebek - and on comes an ad for a product called Lipo-Flavinoid. Well faster than you can say "Google that" I'm doing online research, a couple of hours later I'm ordering some and now I'm blogging that I'm already feeling better after only taking this stuff for a few days. The websites say I should take this product regularly for at least 6 months, but I'm sure I've already experienced some relief. And you can't get this in Canada. Pity. Again our socialist, government-controlled, big-business friendly wonky health care system does not fail to disappoint.

Nevertheless, it seems the internet has just given me a new reason not to write it off as nothing more than a cesspool of porn and self-indulgence in that I can order life-altering substances online for reasonable prices - thanks to a buoyant Canadian dollar - and have them shipped to me with a minimum of fuss. All that and I can find out of print books, comics and lps - maybe I'll let the internet live after all.

And now all I have to do is dream. Dream about being rested and re-energized as I learn to sleep and dream again. And I can dream of a day - hopefully soon - when I can clearly hear all the subtleties in a song, the delicacy of a bird call, or the words spoken by my wife, or son, or friend. Now I all have to do is dream that my dreams have not abandoned me and that nightmares are not all that lies before me. And praise God, it seems some of my dreams may be coming true, soon.

Shalom
*Pursuing it.*
*Sharing it.*

*You know if I hadn't put those X's in that made up phone number some goof would have tried to dial it.